I really wish a certain someone would stop butting into other peoples lives when it has obviously been made clear they aren’t wanted there anymore. Especially when that person has absolutely NO room whatsoever to talk about being disappointed in people. And truthfully this girl right here doesn’t care what you say cuz you honestly don’t know me. Ya never did. Not really. Or how I REALLY feel and think about things. I never told you. And I’m glad I didn’t.
My thoughts exactly!!!
Pathetic really. Thrown aside just like a stupid little bandaid that was there through thick and thin trying to soak up as much pain as I possibly could for her. No matter how hard she tried to rip me off. I wouldn’t budge. I just clung tighter. No matter how soaked and saturated I became with blood, hurt, and tears. I was always there. And it wasn’t just because I felt like I had to be. Oh no my dear honeybee, it was much more than that. I WANTED to be there for you. More than ANYTHING. It was completely my choice. Just so I could show you how much I thought you deserved some caring for and doctoring. To show you that I thought you were BEYOND more than enough. To show you that I knew how much you have to offer yourself, your future, and everyone else around you that come to you on their roughest days because they know you’ll always be there for them. I wanted to be there so you could hopefully see for yourself and also show the rest of the world the wonderful girl I know and love. The girl who literally can (and even does lol) finish my sentences because she cared enough to get to know me that well. The girl who I can and do have conversations with just by us looking at each other. The girl who I live with and never get sick of. The only person I’ve ever danced with at a formal dance and had one of the best nights ever in my life that night doing so. The girl I suited up and took a bubble bath with to just sit all pretzeled together talking and relaxing and having so much fun with. The girl I’ve gone anywhere and everywhere cool and exciting in the past year with. The girl I have a certain position I like to sit in with. The girl I go to huddle house with and talk for hours with while cracking up about everything and reading cosmos. The girl that makes everything around me remind me of her. The girl who I consider closer to me than my actual sister. The girl I made halloween goodies with. The girl that is just as go with the flow as I am. The girl that I could write an entire book about. The girl that is the sexiest Robin I ever did see. The girl I lived through black Friday hell with and had most fun ever with the entire time. The girl who I devour crack whores with at Crossroads. The girl I got matching jammies with during our four hour long adventure at Walmart. The girl I can’t STAND with all of my being not talking to more than a few hours. The girl who became the other half of me the very day I opened that big white binder that was exploding at it’s edges with her wit and cleverness, her unconditional love for the people that mean the most to her, her never-ending and lung collapsing humor, her pride and talent with words that make you able to feel and have a real glance into her heart, mind, and emotions with, her edginess and deep mysteriousness that is always my favorite riddle and puzzle that will forever be in an ongoing process of being solved, and most importantly, and by far the best thing bout this magical white binder, was the fact that it was illuminating with her passionate, deeply caring, magnanimous soul that would one day get me to realize I’d found the yin to my yang. My opposite that pulls me to her like the earth does the moon. But it doesn’t even matter. All of it. It’ll never be enough. Not to her. She didn’t ever really want that stupid fucking bandaid. It interjected and threw itself at her. All she ever wanted was the enchanted green drug. Her only real pain reliever. The only thing that would ever make her happy. Truly and entirely happy. I gave up my own everything to get to be her silly little over looked baidaid. And once again I am not blaming her in any way whatsoever, it was because I wanted to. She’ll always be worth it to me. And I don’t regret it at all. And I never will. Because in letting go of everything else, I had the chance, no the honor, to find one of the best friends I could EVER ask for. She makes me so happy. And I know we always had our downs but the highs were just that high. Higher than the manta-ray shaped clouds, knoblick tower, or the all knowing, breath taking, soul spilling, life comforting, stars we adore. I just wanted to help her live her life for her and be happy. But that’ll never happen. I could never help her be happy in the way she wants to be happy at least. I’m just a friend. And that’ll never be enough to compare to what he is to her. Because the only way she can be happy is if she has that one drug. The one she’s in love with. Obsessed with. Addicted to. That special green pill. Her REAL best friend. Obviously. And I can’t blame her for wanting him so bad either. He is truly quite spectacular. Amazing, that boy is. But I would still NEVER do what she did to me over a guy. No matter who it is. Making your supposed ‘best friend’ feel like shit at least once a day for caring about someone when she has NO control over it. And that in itself makes me upset as it is. Cuz I hate not being in control. But no matter what I feel for him I still try to do anything I can to be the most loyal friend I can be to you. I just want you to be happy. Trying to put aside my feelings because I know it upsets you. Yet still trying to console you and help you feel better when you wanna talk about him even though it’s kinda hard. And yet again that too isn’t enough. But oh well. I guess I’m kinda used to it by now. Oh and this green pill? Saving her life on a daily basis because he cares so much, being (in her mind) one of the only reasons her life is actually worth living, loving her like crazy and showing it more than she ever notices, making her laugh even in the most serious moments, and doing EVERYTHING he does for her isn’t enough from him either. Because even though he does all of that for her he still doesn’t care (that’s what she sees anyways). He doesn’t care about her unless he is in love with her I guess then. The only thing that she wants is so simple though. I asked her. And its just one little thing. All it takes to make this queen bee happy is to completely own and devour his little Taurus soul and consume his life entirely. And she partially already tries to do this by threatening to take her own if he talks, no even looks, at someone besides her. That’s all it’ll take to make things bearable. That is our simple little solution to this crazy love triangle. Just cage him up and hand him over. Or I could just walk away and give up my Best friend. My whole family in one person. My other half. My yin. Its not like she’d care anyways. Or if she were here she’d just say she’d off herself and that would solve everything. Haha yeah that wouldn’t kill us with you AT ALL! And that would be so much better. NOT! That would be the worse of all the options. In fact it isn’t even an option! Yeah so as you all can see we have such a bright and hopeful future ahead of us, I’d have to say. I guess this is where I step in and once again give up everything that means the world to me for the sake of our sanity and health. Cuz I honestly don’t know what else to do. Goodbye.
Dear best friend and pretty much my everything who I’ll always love until the end of forever with every ounce of my being,
I. HATE. You.
-Worthless little bandaid